Haha, okay its not always like this - but I had been getting a lot of good news to be happy about (benign thyroid, clean CT abdomen and pelvis scan); perhaps I had gotten too happy?
That gut feeling is there though, something just isn't right.
Yesterday, walking up from my lymph node removal/neck dissection I vague remember hearing a voice looming over me. "Jenny the lymph nodes I removed were atypical - not normal. We will have the results at the beginning to mid week."
I was secretly hoping I had dreamt it. I mean, who expects to hear that stuff? In the PACU I got anxious, my heart rate was pounding, I had something HUGE wrapped around my neck, and felt like the oxygen was not helping. The nurse said it was a normal reaction coming off of anestheia - I hated it. To remedy everything she took me off the oxygen and HR monitor.
Then my MIL and hubby came back. I asked them if the ENT doc/surgeon had spoken to them. "Yes." "What did he say?" "90% lymphoma, but he said its treatable if it was." Dang. Dang. Dang. He had once thought it was a reactive lymph node. Dang.
After struggling to regain lucidity, the ENT doc/surgeon came over to reexplain everything. The lymph node had been partially necrotic - it had fallen apart.. so they took it out, cleaned out my neck, and removed the second one next to it as well. He said he cursed when he saw it, and he's not a cursing man. He told me he thought it was lymphoma but instructed me to make a liar out of him. But here I am thinking... that 10% .. are worse things than lymphoma part of this 10%?? Do I even pray for that 10%??
I know God has a plan for everyone.. including me. I know I will get through whatever this is, and the positive stories and messages from people who has known someone or loved some one with this disease has helped soo much! I love it!! One of the things (besides my trust in God) has helped me are the people reaching out - telling me they are thinking about me, praying for me. I love you guys, you are wonderful!!!
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| Initial dressing to stop me from moving my neck. Had to leave this baby on for 24hours. Sorry for my less than desirable look.. but hey, I did just have neck surgery! |
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| Day 2: Smaller dressing. Still haven't seen the battle wound yet. |
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understandings." Proverbs 3:5
2 comments:
You are such a strong, beautiful lady that is loved. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing with us. I can only imagine how surreal is must have been typing this blog. Love and hugs, dear friend.
Thank you Mamie for these sweet words!! :)
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