Friday, August 5, 2011

Parking in the Center of the Earth

I was finally discovered.

I had been happily parking in the garage connected to my hospital for the past six months. Don’t get me wrong, I had a permit. Only the permit was for when I worked nightshift.

Well I thought I would never be figured out. They ask us to put the stickers in our windshields. I figured if I continued to park in precarious spots where these parking warriors would have to be paper thin, extremely agile, and have cat-like eye sight to realize my sticker had an additional “N” added to the normal verbage. 

I knew my days of having glorious parking spots were coming to a close when I received a warning. Thinking that it was a fluke, I continued parking (being even more mischievous in my parking ways) and made it two weeks before I got my first ticket.

Well boo.

But perhaps there was hope.

When I had started my position three years ago, I had added myself to the waitlist to park in my garage during the day. The parking warriors had said it takes a few years to get a spot on days and I figured I MUST be close to the top of the list. Maybe I could park in my dream area after all!

When I put my name on the list I was 357.

I signed on to the parking website and awaited my fate. If I couldn’t park in this garage then  I don’t know what I would do. 

I selected “See My Waitlist.”

Bestest Place to Park in the Entire Hospital – 56.

There were still 55 people ahead of me.

Well double boo.

I high tailed it to the parking warriors’ office and put on my happiest face. 

“I have been on nights for three years parking in this wonderful parking garage. I was hoping to get my permit changed to days.”

“Sure.” The warrior responded.

“Let me see.” She continued. “I can put you in garage west of the Mississippi” (it might have well been) “and you can pretty much park anywhere! Well, ground to sub level 7. I think you will like it!”

She acted like she was doing me a favor. Ground to sub level 7? And never the less it is west of the Mississippi. I will have to brave the elements to go to my hospital now! 

(A rendering of my garage. This is only a tip of the rocky, dungeonous iceberg.)

Triple Boo.

I guess I am closterphobic.

A parking garage where I must go down, not up bothers me. 

 (My lovely view from sublevel 5. The picture is actually sideways and the left side of the picture is the top. If I had been above ground, this would have allowed me a scenic view of campus. Unfortunately, I have been reduced to a rock cavern.)

No sunlight, stale air, and after sub level 2 my radio fails to pick up. As I was walking to the dungeon where I now park, a million thoughts were swirling in my brain. Cell service isn’t great and what if the power went off? There is no natural light when you are as close to the center of the earth as I park. I am almost positive that if I took a drill to the bottom of sub level 8 (bottom of the garage) I might just find a fast track to china.

I have to give the hospital credit, there are three different sets of elevators and those blue panic lights cast an eerie shadow on the walls. If someone not so favorable was waiting for me at the top (ground floor), I would hope that I could pick the elevator farthest away from where the evil lurkers were posted. (Wouldn’t want to take the stairs… would be out of breath before I made it up one sub level. Not conducive for running.)

And you will be so proud. 

The past few days I have sent myself a text message reminding myself which sub level I have parked. I have remembered without even looking at my phone. (The last thing I would need would be to get lost in the dungeon!) A have a problem with remembering where I have parked, for an example check out "Dude, Where's My Car."

(Having parking conversations with myself.)

It's going to take some time getting used to parking like Batman. (He has an underground lair, right?)

1 comment:

Kathy S said...

I lose my car all the time. Good thinking texting to yourself.