Monday, November 15, 2010

A much delayed and perhaps ignored realization…

As I peered into the dark abyss, my pupils began to adjust, and I was horrified. Faces of presidents long ago carried empty stares, dulled by the layers of dust and debris that fastened them to the once plush fabric of their now less than ideal catacomb. Not far away, sticks, carved of potato, lay in a loose circle around a spool of fabric that was a once vibrant scarlet. Archaic writing utensils spoke of days has been, bled the color of coal from the spider - esque cracks caused by the cataclysmic heat they had to endure. It was a somber sight seen by all.

I had to look away, but I had finally come to a much delayed and perhaps ignored realization…

It was time to clean my car, and I probably needed to start under the seats.

I know cars don’t clean themselves, but what boggles my mind is how they get so dirty. You would think that perhaps I had confused my car with a van and taken it down by the river. Yet that was simply not the case.

I have to admit, I had not vacuumed that car since I had bought it. I do have some OCD tendencies; this does not include keeping my car shiny clean. Plus, I have only had the vehicle for three years… and what time frame truly warrants a “deep clean?”

This doesn’t mean I didn’t keep it somewhat picked up. When people could no longer comfortably sit in the front and back seats due the large quantity of water bottles and paper coexisting in the foot space, I picked it up. When drinks had to sit precariously in between people’s legs because empty, older cups resided in the cup holder, I picked up. When people started questioning me about the possibility of living in my car, I picked up.

But vacuuming? Really?

I realized that perhaps I needed to vacuum when I made that startling discovery underneath the driver’s seat. If you had given me about 15 minutes, I might have been able to recreate a Butterfinger candy bar with all the pieces that I found. Although I don’t munch on Butterfinger bars often, the crumbs looked like they could have fit the profile. (Don’t judge, it made it easier to clean – and I didn’t try any of the pieces – so don’t worry.)

I was also slightly disturbed by the condition the French fries that I found were in. Let me explain. If I had found them siting in my Mickey D’s bag, I probably would have ate them. The only problem with this little tid bit of food eating knowledge is that I have not had Mickey D’s in my car in probably a few months. Yeah, so these little potato stick critters are at least a few months old, and the potential ability to be a few years.

I probably should share the song that I sang when making my grand discovery. (Oh you bet I was singing in an attempt to forgo the sickening feeling that was growing in the pit of my stomach.)

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear McDonalds french fries. Happy Birthday to you” … and it continues… “You’re getting old, but no grey hair, and the last time I checked, there was no mold there.”

(Here is a pretty old Happy Meal…. Maybe it deserves a song too?)

And when one becomes overwhelmed with the knowledge that perhaps she had waited two years too long to clean her car, what should she do? Twitter her feelings. And that is exactly what I did. Let me share with you a little insight into the madness I was experiencing…

That's where I put that spool of red ribbon! #firstcarcleaning

I think my car took a trip to the beach without me!! Unexplained sand... #firstcarcleaning

Slightly disturbed by the fact that every French fry I have found has not been moldy. #firstcarcleaning

I haven't eaten at Mickey D's in a few months... #firstcarcleaning

Wondering how in the world I lost one of my cup holders. It's not like I decided to clean it. #firstcarcleaning

Definitely made a prehistoric pterodactyl noise when I thought I had dropped a dirty rag on the clean side of my car. #firstcarcleaning

Pretty sure the elbow grease people mention while cleaning does not come naturally to some people. Like me. #firstcarcleaning

So as I am still trying to figure out the twitter thing, I am not quite sure what the pound sign next to “firstcarcleaning” does, but I thought it looked cool. Oh and did I mention I only have 9 followers. So this little mental outburst of car cleaning thought made it to 9 people. If you want to “follow me” on twitter, I am cottongirlie.
Sorry, got twittertracked. (Side tracked.)

Now that my car is clean, I have made a few very worthy and important vows.

These include:

I shall not wait three more years to vacuum my car.

I shall not try to dip my food in Au jus sauce while the car is in drive.

**Actually** I shall try not to eat while my car is in drive. (The food has a hard time making it to my mouth when I am sitting at the dinner table. Multiply that by a 100 when my car is in drive.)

I shall listen to my husband when he points out my car may be a little dirty.

I shall overall treat my car like a transportation vehicle, and not like I am living in it down by the river.

Let’s see how long this lasts….

Oh and the money that I mentioned in the opening paragraph? I am going to buy some CLEAN new floor mats.

*****Post Edit*****
Spoke to my dad about my near edible french fries and he mentioned about a video online of a Happy Meal looking the same over a 6 month time frame.

Found the video and here it is!!

1 comment:

JimL said...

I saw somewhere online that even a homemade hamburger would not decompose. I couldn't find the link, but I found another that was similar that has not concluded with any results yet: