Sunday, April 28, 2013

Positivity and Hope

You've Gotta Have Hope :)

Before I start this post, I want to thank my family - my mom(s) and dad(s) both Baumgardner and Cotton. My in-laws (Cotton's) have truly been selfless. Making sure I'm comfortable, happy - looking at my battle wound and helping me clean it, feeding us... oh the works. So blessed!!! My mother who infuses positivity every moment that I am without it... making sure I felt not alone, and walking me through all those thoughts - negative and positive that I have been having. Pretty sure she checks on me almost every hour. The hubby - I know this is hard for you... and you are still processing it, and we don't even know what IT is. Thank you for the hugs and kisses despite the stress and thoughts I know you are facing. We will become closer then ever - I know it. Finally - FAMILY & FRIENDS... to know that I have so many prayer warriors has helped so much. The constant texts/messages/everything has made me feel so loved. I know God is listening (with the peace he has been providing) and it is all because of each. one. of . you.

I posted on Facebook yesterday "Waiting Sucks." I almost took it off. I want to emanate positivity when I have it - yet I was a low point last night. I had been reading through some sad blogs with sad news... and not even knowing what I am up against was causing some mental anguish. I was also sad that I couldn't be there for a good friend of mine at her bachelorette party. I am her Maid of Honor - I was supposed to be right by her side. I went to her lingerie party... but it was hard. She cried, I cried. I didn't want to have to deal with this, the tiredness of having had surgery less than 48 hours before - the soreness of my neck... and not being able to enjoy such a happy day for her.

Alas I got over it. Everyone has rough times - whether it is illness, the big C, being hurt, jobs, family... but its family, friends, and GOD that are by your side and get you through. I am allowed to be sad... but I am not going to let it overwhelm me. I am healing. That is okay. People understand. I am not going to let whatever IT is keep me sidelined - it may slow me down a bit.. but I will pick myself and keep going. What else can I do? Nothing.

I took my bandage off for the first time yesterday. Yeah, they definitely didn't have extra dressings on the thing... my incision literally covers a good portion of my neck. Scary looking? Perhaps! I hope it gets across the message "Don't Mess With Me!" hehe. People ask me if it hurts ... my neck gets stiff and aches, but to tell you the truth - the incision does not hurt one bit. Its numb. Dr. warned us I might experience some *hopefully temporary* numbness - well its here.. not bad actually. Have had paper cuts hurt worse (with sharp pain) and here this 3-4inch incision with >20 stitches is merely "stiff" and "aches".
Not bad if I do have to say so myself. :)

* I am looking for awesome "white lies" to tell people if they ask why my neck has been sliced open *

Battle Wound!!

Church was awesome today... I felt like God was talking to me and of course I cried like a baby. The message was about how God, our Father, will never leave us alone as we move from the different events/hardships/stages in our lives and that he will provide the right tools to help us through. My mom also told me about the sermon she heard - pray incessantly, don't fear and just Believe. There was also a wonderful testimony given by a gentleman that handed his problems to God - and God brought him through. Amazing!

I also want to share another source of strength of which I have been drawing. Her name is Jenny Haslam, and our paths had crossed a few times in college. She is my age, 27, and was just recently diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. She went through her third chemotherapy treatment this past week. You can check out her story and battle at "Hope for Jenny" [] - here is a selection from her post today -

This week a woman told me about a girl like me just diagnosed with a scary disease with difficult treatments-asked for advice about how to get through it. I told her that she has got to look for God. Look for the ways He is providing for you. Look for the blessings. Being thankful will keep you from getting bitter. I’d be doing her-or anyone who has ever been here-a disservice by telling you that I’m doing great all the time. Today I will tell you that I hate cancer. I hate that I have it. But I will look for the good, and I will find joy, because that is how you manage something this terrifying. You see, He didn’t leave me floundering. He may give me more than I think I can handle, but I’m learning what it means to depend on God in a way I would have never understood before. There are always blessings to be found. Every step of the way.

I hope I can maintain a perspective as positive as hers! Please send prayers her way as well!! That's all for tonight.

Keep the prayers coming, this week is an important one. Prayers for peace, healing, positivity, and that chance of good news.

love, jenny

1 comment:

Chelsea Rust said...

White lie #1: I had a head transplant. Isn't my new one incredibly attractive?
#2: My husband warned me that my turtleneck looked a little snug...
#3: I'm a terrible, yet super aggressive limbo player

Thinking about you!