Sunday, September 26, 2010

10 Reasons teleportation needs to be invented…

Otherwise known as 10 reasons I dislike flying on airplanes…

1. I am super jumpy on planes. This morning I knocked over the hubbie’s coke. Why? Because of those acrobatic turning maneuvers they thrown on us without warning. (Let me reinforce it wasn’t the turn that knocked over the coke… I did with my flailing hands.) Usually I can control it by firmly grabbing hold of the seat in front of me – attempting not to grab the poor passenger’s hair (like I did yesterday.) Imagine a monkey, wearing a seatbelt, riding in a car for the first time – that’s what I look like, EVERY time I fly.

2. Planes fly really high in the sky. I am not flying the plane. There is a slight control issue when I am in a plane.

3. Overbooking. Now I know when I booked the flight I had an assigned seat. So by overbooking does that mean that two people paid for the same seat? Yesterday I paid for a whole seat and only got a half… but that’s an entirely different matter.

4. Half-seats. Ehh… I’m being generous. I am pretty sure I only got a fourth of a seat on yesterday’s flight. Shouldn’t I have been discounted?? I understand it was not the passenger’s fault, they make seats small. But still. I was squeezed in! They flight attendants wouldn’t even let me sit in an entirely empty row because a mom didn’t want anyone sitting in front of her four year old son. There was extra room on the flight; she did not pay for those two empty seats. So she got 4 seats for the price of 2 and I got a ¼ seat for the price of 1. Where is the fairness in that?

Well I definitely scared my row companion when I said I didn’t like small planes and didn’t explain and then proceeded to flail around like a monkey. I know this is horrible, but I got some personal satisfaction out of her looks she was giving me. Oh and by the end of the flight, I am sure the mother across the row would have also offered me her extra two seats as I kept looking out of her son’s window because ours was occluded. I was definitely being a creepster yesterday.

5. Twenty – five dollars per bag and no peanuts. Seriously? I paid less for my Southwest ticket, got nice comfy leather seats, a hot chocolate and peanuts! Seriously.

6. Buses. Yesterday my husband was put on a bus to Boston… from Portland, Maine so he had more of a chance catching a flight. The airline lady said her family catches the bus from the Portland Airport all of the time because of the overbooking of flights … really? You work for the airline and don’t even get a seat? I think you just lied to me. I hate lying airlines.

7. Airlines lie all the time. About delays, cancellations, that “nothing is really wrong” but yet we have to sit on the tarmac for 45 minutes as the mechanic continues to peer into the engine I am sitting next to. After a few head shakes and a rising of shoulders he leaves. Really? So glad that it looks like you don’t know the answer to the final jeopardy question, but there will be a lot more problems no matter what you wagered if this engine doesn’t work.

8. If you can’t handle the pressure and think quickly on your feet, don’t work for an airline.

9. The very first seats on a plane need to have a spot to secure your belongings in front of you. Inevitably when they tell you that you can’t hang on to your purse and that you must put it in the over head compartment, you have to meander down to row 26 to even have some room. I am pretty sure it is a lot easier to hang onto a purse then the squirming 18 month old three rows behind me.

10. Airplanes should not feel like they are driving on rocks at 20,000 ft up in the air. That makes me slightly uncomfortable.

That is my soap box for now …. Really hoping teleportation is right around the corner….

No comments: